Is Your Martial Art Club Run Like This?
“Call me Master or Sensei”. Is your club run like this?
A semi-fictitious story about an introductory, information session at a ‘Traditional’ Martial Art School!
Unfortunately, it gets very close to what occurs in many martial arts schools around the country today. (This article first appeared in The Bible of Hand to Hand Combat volume # 8 – 1995)
Read, enjoy, take with a grain of salt or two… but beware – is your martial art school run like this?
Mrs. Jane Herman (Potential client)
“Hi, I’m Jane Herman, I’d like some information about your courses, I’m actually here for self defence, I have a family and would like to know how to protect myself in case the unfortunate need should ever arise.”
Master Sensei (Of no oriental origins)
“So – you are interested in self defence?
Sure, Our style is the best. We specialize in self-defence. Mrs. Herman is it? May I call you Jane?
Well Jane, you’ll learn things like the traditional front forward stance, six blocks and three kata’s / forms.
In addition, you’ll be training barefoot and in a crisp white Gi with a white belt.
What He’s really saying:
“No one ever uses this stuff in self defence simply, well, because the s**t doesn’t work.
But, if you repeatedly do it year after year after year in the hopes of accomplishing
“inner peace” and self discipline, you may end up appreciating it, in the mean time,
you’ll feel frustrated and uncoordinated just like a good white belt should.”
Jane Herman – “How about cardiovascular training and weight reduction?”
Master Sensei – “You want to lose weight and gain confidence, no problem, our style is designed for maximum efficiency in all areas. Mind, Body, Spirit, Jane. Here is your uniform, it is called a Gi, you must treat it with the utmost respect for it is your traditional garb for every time you train”
What He’s really saying:
“Lose weight and gain confidence huh? Well, you will get in some kind of shape
and no I am not a reference point, I uh, had some kind of back problem way
back when, yeah, so I couldn’t really workout the way I used to.
So don’t mind my pot-belly and the fact that my kicks may tremble when I hold
them up at knee level or higher. Here, let me unfold these baggy pyjamas for you
that I dug up from the back of this dusty shelf. Don’t worry about the wrinkles
and fold lines, they’ll come out after you wash it. Go try it on.”
Jane Herman – “Uh, these are really big on me, they make me look 20 pounds heavier and I feel silly in them. Also, I’m not crazy about the white, do they come in other colors? Why must I wear this?”
Master – “This is a traditional martial arts garb Jane, you wear it to honor and respect the ancient masters. White is the color of beginners, it reflects your purity in the arts. That is why I am the master and you are the student.”
What He’s really saying:
“What? Too big? It’s to allow you to throw higher kicks Jane, how will you be able
to kick in tighter pants? Yes, white is the only colour you’re allowed to wear,
you see, in the martial arts you must learn to be humiliated before you can
become super confident like me. Call me Sir or Master by the way.”
Jane Herman – “Excuse me? Sir or Master?”
Master – “In martial arts, you have to respect your seniors, those who have achieved higher rank and have moved on in the arts. It is a sign of discipline and respect. It teaches the student humbleness and in turn makes them grow to be better people.”
What He’s really saying:
“The first lesson you must learn is respect. You must bow to me, bow to the higher ranks,
bow to the flag, bow to the shrine of Master Schmo, bow when you enter the dojo
and bow when you exit the dojo. You see Jane, I worked hard for my black belt. It
took me 5 years of training twice a week consistently. If you can achieve your black
belt, you’ll get respect as well. And no, there are no real standards for these titles, in
fact the other school down the street, their master is a fraud, he’s no real master.
Anyway, respect isn’t only important inside the school but outside as well, so if ever
you see me walking down the street or in a restaurant or something, you must bow to
me and call me Master.”
Jane Herman – “I see a second place trophy hiding up there on your shelf?”
Master – “Yeah, I got second place in the international competition and that rat fink judge ripped me off, there were 179 contenders in my division and I got second place, I wasn’t feeling well that day you see Jane, I had a flu and my back injury was acting up.”
What He’s really saying:
“Yeah, It was a local competition where 3 people were competing in my division,
I trained real hard for that event and was in the best shape of my life but still couldn’t
cut it. But that doesn’t matter now, what matters is your self defence training.”
Jane Herman – “Okay…when I feel ready to move up in belts, do I just let you know or…how does that work exactly?”
Master – “Well Jane, rank promotion is taken very seriously here. We will let you know when you are ready and set a time and date for you to pass the test.”
What He’s really saying:
“Well Jane, you will test during the slow months of business cause that’s when we need
extra cash in the bank. Since you and 40 other students will be passing grade at the same
time and I’m the only master, it will cost you £50 for your first exam and move up in price
as we go along. There will also be a £75 charge for every belt – administration and
association fee’s, you know, to get your rank certified with the head office in Asia.
The exam will consist of you repeating memorized movements in the air over and over
again as well as standing in some ridiculous stance for over 20 minutes without moving.
This will get you to believe that you have truly achieved something because you have
memorized a sequence of moves that you have brought up like Pavlov’s dog on cue, which
are solely taught in this style.”
Jane Herman – “Anything else I should know about?”
Master – “No Jane, that’s about it.”
What He’s really saying:
“Well, now that you ask…You will have to buy all kinds of expensive equipment that you’ll
use 3 to 4 times at best because a certain Kata requires it. You’ll also have to purchase
tons of different badges to sew on your uniform that will be marked up in price by
about 600 percent. There will be yearly administration fee’s on top of your membership
prices. In regards to other school’s, you are forbidden to sign up let alone check out
any other schools of martial arts, they all suck, we’re the best. I believe that’s about it.”
Jane Herman – “Are you positive?”
Master – “Absolutely”
What He’s really saying:
“Well, no…to develop humility you and the rest of the white belts will have to clean the
school every Friday night, paint it when it is required, do my laundry, dig trenches in
my back yard and wash my car. Also, when you vacuum the school, you must do it in
your horse stance to develop leg power and proper instincts.”
Jane Herman – “MmmmHmmm.”
Master – “Now that you are ready to sign up, you must repeat after me, the student’s oath of good citizenship. — I promise to develop my body and mind. I promise not to drink or do drugs. I promise not to use my martial arts skills to harm other people. — Good Jane, you are now ready to begin your journey into the martial arts.”
What He’s really saying:
“Now that you are ready to sign up, the brainwashing must commence, repeat after me.
– I promise to develop my mind to master’s accordance and do only as master says.
I promise not to drink or do drugs, only the master is allowed to do that. I promise not
to use my martial arts skills cause I might find out they don’t really work in real life. –
Good Jane, you are now ready to begin my classes.”
Jane Herman – “And why must I do all of this?”
Master – “Simply because that’s the way it has always been done, that’s the way I learned it, that’s the way it will continue to be done and that’s the way it is.
Uh, Mrs. Herman, Jane, no wait, don’t leave, sign this contract first, wait, Jane, Jaaaaaane!”
Found on Richard’s site
Richard Dimitri – Senshido Inc.
Copyright © Senshido Inc.
1994-2004
www.Senshido.com Malcolm
Yoshiki Goshin Jutsu
